Killing and Dying
by cojiesmama
Summary: Despite the morbid title, this is actually an attempt...and I hope it works... at a funny DannyLindsay dynamic. I've given Cindy a face and a job. First three chapters up!
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: One of the most intriguing people that CSI:NY has yet to give a face is Danny's girlfriend (assuming ex by now) Cindy. This is my take on who she might be.

Big Giveaway Clue: Think Tina Fey.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Sid Hammerback's retractable glasses were the coolest thing in the world. It can be dislodged right at the center, so it can hang by his neck and in a matter of seconds, go right on his nose, without having to take it off.

Unfortunately, the human body doesn't work the same way. You cut off a lock of hair, you can't sew it back on. Cut a person's finger, you can't just squish it right back in the hand.

Take a person's head off, you can't glue it back on.

Sid bent down and looked at the headless body --- a woman --- on his slab as Lindsay Monroe looks on.

"Whatever severed her head off wasn't very sharp" Sid started. "You say you found her on an old couple's balcony?"

"Yes" Lindsay answered. "No evidence that shows she's connected to the old couple"

"You can cast tool marks on the wound" Sid said. "Traingular, shaped like a diamond. A spear of some kind"

Lindsay looked at the wound. In her mind, she recalled the crime scene. The couple's balcony was surrounded by steel grills --- pointed. Shaped like a spear.

"I think I've seen this before" Lindsay said. "The old couple's balcony was surrounded by these spear-like grills"

"Maybe there were children in the home at some point" Sid said.

"So the killer lifted her over his head then body slammed her over the grills to take off her head?" Lindsay asked. "Weird way to kill a person."

"Been here for years, I've seen weirder" Sid continued. "Or…"

Sid turns over the corpse to reveal that her back looks severely bruised.

"She fell from the sky" Lindsay said.


	2. Chapter 2

As Lindsay comes up the stairs, she is met by Don Flack. In his hand is a cellphone in plastic bag.

"This looks interesting" Flack said as he walked alongside Lindsay.

"Got all the messages in her cell, in the inbox folder and in the sent items folder. In the sent items folder, the last message she sent read '_You're gonna kill out there'_".

Lindsay stopped in her tracks, obviously shocked.

"There's more" Flack said. Just then, Danny Messer comes up the hallway and heads for the break room.

"She sent that message at 10:15pm last night to a GROB" Flack said. "An hour later, she gets a message from the same guy. G-R-O-B."

"What was the message?" Lindsay asked, Flack and herself both by the break room door.

"_I died tonight_" Flack read.

"She sent out somebody to kill someone, and this person felt bad after he did it? So he felt like he 'died' inside?" Lindsay said.

"What you guys got there?" Danny finally asked.

"Headless woman's cellphone." Flack said as he sat beside Danny. Lindsay stood before them, her arms crossed. "She texts someone '_You're gonna kill out there_" and she gets a message '_I died tonight'_".

"Stand up" Danny said. Flack looks at him, perplexed. Then stands up.

Danny laughed. "No, genius. It's stand-up lingo. Stand-up comedy. When a comedian '**kills'**, it means he had a great night, the audience laughed at his jokes. When a comedian

'**dies'**, it means he had a bad night, nobody laughed at him" Danny grabbed Flack's notebook. "The message was from G-Rob".

"You know this guy?" Lindsay asked.

"G-Rob is Gary Roberts, great comedian. Headliner at the Laugh Track. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He's been on Letterman three times" Danny said.

"How would you know that?" Flack asked.

Danny cleared his throat and looked at Lindsay. "Um, welll…." he looked away from Lindsay's probing eyes "I had a girlfriend who works there."

Flack looked at Lindsay. She just nods her head.

"I'm pretty tight with G-Rob, I can hook you up" Danny said.

"Right. That's all you're going there for" Lindsay said as she turned to leave.

Danny looked at Flack who was trying so hard not to laugh.

"You are so whipped." Flack said.


	3. Chapter 3

Lindsay had that deadpan look on her face from the lab to the parking lot to Danny's truck and finally, to the comedy bar, Laugh Track, where they have come to see Gary Roberts.

Danny just looked at her as they both stood next to a pillar inside the bar. The place was packed.

A busty, skimpily clad woman passes in front of them, carrying a tray of beers. Danny nods at her. Lindsay just gives him an evil look.

"Hey Danny" the woman said as she passed by.

"Katrina" Danny said as he tried to avert his eyes from her bust.

Lindsay looked at the other waitresses. They seemed like clones of the lovely Katrina. They all looked alike and dressed alike.

"So" Lindsay finally said "Which of these fine women stole your heart and ate it for dinner?"

Danny gives her an appalled look. "Really? You think of me as the waitress-baiting kind?"

"Not that there's anything wrong with it" Lindsay said.

Danny then turns his attention to the stage. Lindsay was distracted by the huge laughter around her, upon which she notices the comic that was performing --- a woman.

"Alright" the woman said to her mic, a spotlight shining down on her blond, wavy hair. "I have a confession to make".

Lindsay looked at the woman. She was wearing spectacles, about as tall (or as short) as she is. Flat-chested. Flawless skin. She looked --- normal.

"My taste in men" the woman continued "depends not on how they look like but how they sound like. I love accents I really do. I dated this English guy before, and he was all like _'Don't be such a bloody scuttlebum and let me have a fricking fag'_. I'm like, okay. You swing that way. I knew it!"

General laughter from the audience. Lindsay laughs too.

"Then I dated this Korean guy and…. Do you ever notice that when they're suspicious --- like if I'm tricking him to buy a Toyota instead of a Hyundai ---they go '_Wohohoho_'. So maybe Santa's not from the North Pole after all".

Audience laughs again. Danny looks at Lindsay. She was enjoying herself.

"But my all time favorite, my Double-Dutch of all accents… New Yorkers" the woman said

The men in the audience started to scream and jeer.

"I love New Yorkers." She continued "I once dated this guy…. Italian American…. He got this Chris Walken thing going on…."

The comic starts to change her stance, as if imitating someone's movements. Danny buried his face in his right hand.

"First time I met him, I told him I did stand up, he was like '_Get outta here'_" the woman said, accent and all "And I was like…. It's raining out."

The audience laughs again. Lindsay notices that Danny --- still with his face in his hand --- wasn't looking , but was also laughing.

"Then he took me to a Yankees game and he's up on his feet and he goes '_Yeah! You think you can kick our ass in our turf? Fugettaboutit_' and then he does this chin-flicking thing like he was wiping marinara sauce or something…."

The comic flicks her chin with her fingers --- the way the Mafia does it. The audience laughs.

"But my favorite is when we're having dinner, and we're in a restaurant and he orders his pasta. And he describes it to the waiter like '_Linguine pasta with arabiatta sauce and parmesano regiano_' and he has his three fingers up like this" the woman demonstrated, as she has her middle, ring and pinky finger up "and he holds his hand up like this, like he was cleaning someone's ear…… '_Don't forget the bruschetta, e_h'"

Lindsay is beside herself with laughter. "That is so you" she tells Danny in between her giggling.

"Shut up" Danny said, smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

"Cindy Evans, Lindsay Monroe"

Danny grinned evilly seeing the two women before her feigning affection, even interest, with each other, knowing each other's involvement with him.

"Ex-girlfriend, co-worker" Cindy said pointing to herself and then to Lindsay.

"What makes you think she's just a co-worker?" Danny said.

"You don't seem to be her type. " Cindy said "It's the chest hair, ain't it?"

Lindsay laughed.

"We're looking for G-Rob" Danny said, "We might have some bad news"

Cindy crossed her arms, concerned. "He called in sick, that's why I headlined for him tonight. What's going on?"

Lindsay bent down to her kit to get the headless woman's cellphone, locked in a Ziploc bag. "Do you know who owns this cellphone?"

"There's only one girl around here who's Britney Spears enough to buy a pink Motorola Razr" Cindy joked "Angela Gershon, bartender".

"Is she involved with G-Rob?" Danny asked.

"Girlfriend of the month, is what I hear" Cindy answered. "I'm getting really creeped out. What's going on?"

"We're going to need an address on G-Rob" Danny said. "And access to Angela Gershon's things --- hairbrush, toothbrush, anything"

"Listen, CSI" Cindy said "I asked you a question, I think I deserve an answer"

Lindsay looked at Danny.

"Come on" Cindy said "If it's a picture of a dead body, I can take it." She turned to Danny "I used to tinker with your laptop all the time, remember?"

Lindsay took out the file photo of the headless woman "Unfortunately, the photo isn't much of a help"

Cindy recoiled in disgust "Woah."

"So you now understand why we need to confirm her identity through DNA and prints" Danny said, amused at Cindy's disgusted look.

"I'll have the manager open her locker" Cindy said as she turned to leave.

Lindsay and Danny stood in awkward silence as they waited for Cindy to return. Lindsay had her arms crossed as she drummed her fingers to the rock music playing in the background. Danny had his hands on his hips, humming to the sound of the music.

"I have to say, I'm impressed" Lindsay said. Danny turned to her. "She's our age. Her boobs are small. She doesn't look like she's addicted to sex."

Danny laughed "I like short girls." He said. "Short, sweet girls with big curls"

Lindsay tried to suppress her smile with a playful little smirk.


	5. Chapter 5

In Lindsay's hand is Angela Gershon's hairbrush in a Ziploc bag as she and Danny walk out of the Laugh Track bar. Lindsay takes a deep breath and smiles.

"I feel like a beer" Lindsay said, turning to Danny.

"We just came from a bar" Danny said, amused. "I can get us a discount if we go back in"

"No" Lindsay said, her eyes flirty "Not there, you know. Too crowded."

Danny nodded his head. He looked at her both confused and interested. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking there's more to the Cindy-Danny love story than meets the eye" Lindsay said. "Let's hear it."

Danny laughed. "Oh God, help me" he looked up into the heavens. As he stood there, Lindsay saw his face suddenly becoming serious.

Lindsay looked up to the sky as well, wondering what made Danny all somber. "Are you all right?"

"I forgot about that" Danny said, then he turned to Lindsay "Didn't you say your vic might have fallen from the sky?"

Danny pointed to a spot in the night time Manhattan sky. There on the pitch black canvas was a small, bright circular object with blinking lights and an orange marquee.

"Oh I see" Lindsay said "It's an advertising ploy"

"The Laugh Track Hot Air Balloon" Danny said.


	6. Chapter 6

Lindsay felt like a giggling kid as she beheld before her the towering Laugh Track Hot Air Balloon in the middle of a Manhattan building helipad. Danny caught her smiling.

"It's not a theme park ride" Danny teased.

"It's just" Lindsay started "I've never seen a hot air balloon this close before"

"That's sad" Danny said as he walked towards the hot air balloon. "Hey Mike!"

The pudgy, bald man operating the hot air balloon reached out his hand to Danny as he pulled Danny inside the compartment. "Danny CSI, whattup? Who's the pretty girl?"

Mike helped Lindsay inside the balloon as Lindsay looked up into the enormous cavity that held the hot air emanating from the flames.

"Lindsay Monroe, hot-air-balloon-virgin" Danny answered.

"I'm honored. I'll be gentle." Mike answered naughtily. "How can I help you?"

"We're investigating the murder of this girl who might be working at the Laugh Track" Danny answered. "Cindy said…"

"Ooohhh… so you've talked to Cindy" Mike interrupted. He then turned to Lindsay "You should have seen those two…."

"…. That this phone" Danny in turn interrupted Mike, showing him the Motorola phone "belonged to Angela Gershon".

"Yeah, that's Angie's" Mike answered.

"Does she ever go up here in the balloon with you?" Lindsay asked.

"Everybody at the Laugh Track has gone up with me" Mike said. "Even Danny and Cindy have gone up with me once. Was it an anniversary? Proposal?"

Lindsay turned to Danny. "Proposal?"

Danny gave Mike dagger looks. "So Angie's gone up here with you. Alone?"

Mike thought for a while. "Not alone. Always with G-Rob, her boyfriend"

Danny nodded his head. "Listen, Mike, we might need to process your ride, it will take a while. We can get a warrant…"

"Hey, it's you, man." Mike answered. "Warrant's for strangers". Mike stepped out of the balloon as Danny snapped on a pair of gloves.

As Mike left the balloon, his eyes met with Lindsay and he silently gestured to his ring finger, as if flashing an imaginary ring.

"Proposal" Mike said under his breath.


	7. Chapter 7

Cindy Evans sat in the dark, dirty toilet in the Laugh Track as she lit a cigarette nervously. She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. How can Gary be so stupid?

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She hurriedly looks at the message. It was Gary.

"What's the emergency?" the message read.

"You moron. They found her" Cindy messaged back, her phone getting all wet from the sweat in her palms.

"Are you sure?" Gary texted back.

"When they match her DNA to the hairbrush I gave them, they're going to trace it back to us" Cindy answered.

Cindy stared at her phone. It took a while before Gary answered.

"I'll take care of it"


End file.
